Same-sex couples mostly gay and lesbian couples are often publicly criticized because of their sexual orientation. Since you can’t choose your sexual orientation, it should be out of reach for society to judge someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer.
The essence of this article starts with the assumption that every human being has the right to make choices about their personal life. Whether they are heterosexual or homosexual is irrelevant in this context. Homosexuality is not something unnatural; it’s part of nature and sexuality as a whole. The fact that it makes some people uncomfortable because they cannot relate to same-sex relationships does not give them the right to give an opinion on how other people live their lives. By taking into account these three important aspects (a person’s free will over his/her body, homosexuality as natural and harmless, and the lack of the right of an outsider to judge another person’s choices) we can stop seeing homosexual relationships as something that is not allowed.
Counselling gay and lesbian couples
Any couple who are in a same-sex relationship does not mean encouraging people to enter into them; on the contrary, it means supporting them during rough times. It is important for counsellors to understand that every couple has their own problems and challenges (marital or otherwise). These challenges may be more challenging for members of gay and lesbian couples but they are still subject to the universal rule: all relationships have their highs and lows. Two different approaches can be used when counselling same-sex couples: 1) Counselling based on feminist theory, 2) Relationship counselling.
The first approach stems from two major concepts: gender and patriarchy. The goal of same-sex counselling is to break the cycle in which only men make decisions in relationships and put pressure on women by refusing them equal rights (i.e.: reproductive rights). When roles are reversed, it’s essential for counsellors to understand that both members of a couple should be equal when it comes to decision-making and expectations about behaviour within a relationship. In other words, there can’t be one person who leads or dominates the conversations without consent from their partner. As you can see, feminist theory is all about giving power back to people who have been deprived of it for so long because of their gender, sexual orientation, etc.
The second approach focuses on couples counselling for gay and lesbian partnerships based on the concept that relationships are conducted on a basis of equality and respect. No matter what problems a couple may have, it’s always possible for them to find a solution by talking about their issues and finding a common ground. “Relationship counselling is not self-help or problem-solving counselling; relationship counselling enables partners to work together through the challenges they face” (Adams, 1996).
When working with gay and lesbian couples, there are issues that deserve special attention: coming out process, role allocation, dealing with discrimination, homosexuality as part of family history, and internalized homophobia. One approach that can be used when helping people come out is encouraging them to start slowly and avoid drastic changes in their lives. There is no need to shock members of their families who may not be able to adjust to such a huge change. Most of the time it’s enough for people in same-sex relationships to come out as bisexual and slowly reveal their identity.
When working with gay and lesbian couples, there may be problems that seem impossible at first glance: how can you take responsibility for somebody else’s life (i.e.: fertility) when you’re not responsible for your own? There is no easy answer, especially because it depends on the wishes of each individual couple; however, here are some options that could make everyone happy: If one member of a couple wants children (or vice versa), they should find somebody willing to donate sperm/eggs even if it means entering into an open relationship.
Many same-sex couples feel isolated when they are subjected to couples therapy because not all couples therapists understand their gay and lesbian issues. Some heterosexual couples lack family support from family members. Any couples therapist should always spend more time learning about LGBT couples because same-sex families require different family therapy than straight couples. All in all gay and lesbian relationships require special therapy.
Sexual orientation
Gay and lesbian partners prefer going to therapy by marriage and family therapists who specialize in same-sex partnership therapy compared to those opposite-sex couples therapists as per a study done in the San Diego area. Couple relationships and family relationships should always be done separately for gay or lesbian couple and straight couples.
Parenting same-sex relationship
Parenting kids in heterosexual relationships won’t get enough social support which causes minority stress and the families ought to provide support to help them fit in their social context and also give them additional training as they forge long-term relationships with their partners and this helps them to be emotionally expressive reducing additional stress and make them normal like other couples.
Gottman method
Gottman institute advises the use of the Gottman method of therapy to reduce domestic violence at the early relationship stages to foster a healthy relationship reducing any conflict between the same-sex partners.
Types of same-sex couples
Type of relationship criteria based on sex-typed behaviours between partners. The term is used by the American Psychiatric Association to describe individuals who have a sexual orientation towards their own gender. Gender identity is not linked to sexual orientation in this context. Behaviour that occurs among members of the same sex and does not cause psychological distress, including cross-dressing and other forms of transvestism as well as homosexual behaviour such as kissing and touching another person’s genitals (American Psychiatric Association, 1994). Sexual orientation toward those of the opposite sex; heterosexuals make up approximately 95% of the population (Savin-Williams, 1996). A relationship between two people of the same sex (American Psychological Association, 1994).
Sexual Orientation A person’s emotional and sexual attraction to another person; there are three components: affectional orientation (who you want to love), erotic orientation (who you want to have sex with), and social/expressive orientation (do they fit into your social network?) Homosexuality is an enduring personal quality that manifests itself in overt homosexual behaviour – i.e.: gay or lesbian self-identification or being emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted only to individuals of the same sex. The letter is used to describe asexuality in research studies. Used by Sue Rankin & other members of the Asexual Visibility & Education Network. “A coined by David Steinberg in an article in the January 1972 issue of Playboy magazine to describe individuals who are sexually attracted to both men and women.” From Klein Sexual Orientation A person’s sexual orientation towards those of the same sex, opposite sex, or either sex. People may be celibate or non-celibate. Sometimes referred to as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT). Romantic Orientation A person’s emotional and sexual attraction to another person; there are three components: affectional orientation (who you want to love), erotic orientation (who you want to have sex with), and social/expressive orientation (do they fit into your social network?)
Sex Role Attitudes deal with attitudes about masculinity and femininity for example: “What is masculine/feminine?” Sexual Identity A person’s sexual identity is the representation of the person as it relates to their sexuality; for example: “I am a heterosexual female.” Sexual orientation A person’s emotional and sexual attraction to another person; there are three components: affectional orientation (who you want to love), erotic orientation (who you want to have sex with), and social/expressive orientation (do they fit into your social network?)
Transgender
An umbrella term for people whose gender identity or expression does not match what society expects based on their assigned birth sex. It includes but is not limited to transsexuals, cross-dressers, drag queens, drag kings, intersex individuals, and others whose appearance or characteristics are perceived to be gender-variant. This term has been used by some social scientists to describe certain types of individuals who are born with ambiguous genitalia, but this term is considered offensive by many members of the transsexual community because it implies that transsexuals are “transgressing” the gender norms appropriate for their sex. Transgender people may identify themselves as female-to-male (FTM) or male-to-female (MTF). They may also consider themselves neither female nor male, nor somewhere in between female and male, or they may simply identify themselves as masculine, feminine, a blend of both, or neither.
Gay couple
Gay couple: A couple composed of two people who both identify as gay and whose bodies and sexual behaviours are sexually compatible. (Based on Savin-Williams, Ritch C., 2004).
Gay: A person who is emotionally and sexually attracted to members of the same sex; a man or boy who is romantically and sexually attracted to other men or boys.
Gender Identity A person’s inner sense of their own gender; for example: “I am a male.” Gender Role Attitudes deal with attitudes about masculinity and femininity for example: “What is masculine/feminine?” Heterosexual Male who makes love with, and only with, a female. Homosexuality is An enduring personal quality that manifests itself in overt homosexual behaviour – i.e.: gay or lesbian self-identification or being emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted only to individuals of the same sex.
Gay male couples going through gay couples counselling on the issues they have in their gay relationships should have a specialized therapist who will understand their gay couples issues. In fact, most gay men will always prefer a gay therapist to help them.
Lesbian couple
Lesbian couple: A couple composed of two people who both identity as lesbians and whose bodies and sexual behaviours are sexually compatible.
Lesbian: A person who is emotionally and sexually attracted to members of the same sex; a woman or girl who is romantically and sexually attracted only to other women. Most lesbian partners having lesbian relationship issues will get enough help if they are counselled by a therapist who handles LGBTQ couples’ issues.
